Arie's Development (after pictures)

Arie has been home a little over two months now. We are much closer now than we were a couple weeks ago. I can't kiss him enough, and I LOVE to make him smile! Which, by the way, is now VERY easy to do. Socially he is doing fabulous. He is babbling and saying da-da and ma-ma (not with purpose of course). He laughs out loud at his goofy sister, and enjoys getting attention from his big brother.

Developmentally Arie is a little behind. At 7 months old he should be sitting up and working on crawling. However, Arie is still unable to sit with support ( a 5 month milestone). He is also unable to pivot on his belly, which he should be able to do at this point. For example, if I lay him on his belly and face him away from me, he should be able to turn himself around (while staying on his belly) so he is facing me. We expected that he may be a little behind when he came home due to some medical issues, so we aren't surprised with any of this. He has an evaluation next week so that we can get him started in physical therapy to help strengthen his muscles and get him caught up.

Our biggest issue right now is eating. Arie should have started baby food at 6 months old. I posted our first try pictures a while ago and the situation has only gotten worse. He WILL NOT EAT anything. We can't even get him to take medication without him screaming. We've tried everything and all we can get him to do is drink his bottles. While that isn't a huge concern, what IS a huge concern is that his nutritional needs aren't being met by the bottles. He should be taking in 32oz. of formula per day to meet the needs of a baby Arie's height. We can only get in about 22oz. of formula per day. Although he has been gaining a little weight, he has been falling off of his growth curve and is currently in the 0% on both the Korean growth chart and the U.S. chart. Also, his body mass index is in the "poor" range. So, because of all of this, we will be starting him in a feeding clinic at Children's Hospital (per his doctors). At the clinic he will be evaluated by a feeding specialist, a GI doctor, an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, a psychologist, and a social worker. The make up the "feeding team" who will come up with a plan of care to get him on the right track for eating/growing. I know of somebody else who had to do this, and they had to go to the clinic every day for 6 weeks! I PRAY that we don't have to, because it's over an hour away from my house, and I have 2 other kids that I would have to find care for. We'll find out all of the details after our initial evaluation which has yet to be scheduled (me and Children's have been playing phone tag for a couple of days).

So that's the scoop. My little man really is my LITTLE man! I'll keep you updated!!!

Update on Baby James

Little James had his surgery. They removed one entire kidney and half of the other. According to his blog, his is doing well and sleeping better. He is still in the hospital, but recovering nicely. Here is the link to the pictures of James' kidneys. It's amazing to see what the tumors looked like, but so sad to know that he's had them growing in his body his whole life. Please continue to pray for him and his family during the holidays.

~~~~~~~~~~Baby James~~~~~~~~~~

After starting the adoption process, I have spent a lot of time talking to other adoptive families through on-line forums. On one of the smaller forums I talk on, there is a family that I've gotten to know fairly well over the past few months. We waited together for our referrals, and then for our travel calls. They got their call about 3 weeks before us. After bringing their new baby boy home, they noticed that he was often fussy, especially at night. The took him to the doctor who discovered a lump in his abdomen. Only five weeks after James came home, he was diagnosed with kidney cancer. It's a disease called Wilms Tumor, and James has tumors in both kidneys. It's been a really rough road for them. James has already been through chemo, only to discover that the tumors actually grew during the treatments. Today James has surgery to explore the tumors overtaking his kidneys. The surgeons will be making an incision across his abdomen so they have access to both kidneys... after that they will decide how to proceed. James may possibly have one kidney removed today.

I'm asking you to please keep Baby James and his family in your thoughts and prayers today. It's a horribly sad situation. Please go to their site and leave a comment letting them know that your praying for their baby boy. Here is the link to BABY JAMES.

"Mia's Saving Grace"... post on Childhood

I just wanted to point out a beautifully written post
by an adoptee named Mia. In this post she talks about her childhood as an adoptee and how it felt, at times, to be adopted. She also offers advice to adoptive parents in hopes of helping them open the communication channel between themselves and their children.

The Top 101 Things You Didn't Know About Me

1. I'm a Gemini.
2. I lived in Stuttgart Germany for a year.
3. Aside from the U.S. and Germany, I've been to Austria, Switzerland, France, Checkloslovakia, Italy, Lichtenstein, Luxembourger, Holland, Canada, South Korea, Bahamas, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
4. I got my naval pierced in college.
5. The next day I got my tongue pierced.
6. I have a tattoo of a frog with my mom's initials under it. ( Don't know why I picked a frog... impulse I guess).
7. My mom died when I was 13.
8. I miss her and think about her every day of my life.
9. I've wanted to work in the medical field since the age of 3.
10. I like blood... I think its' so cool.
11. I've had 6 Siamese Cats during my life: Sat-Su, Saki, Toi, Tiki, Thai-Suda, and now Misu.
12. I went to Catholic elementary school and middle school.
13. I have talked to Lionel Richie on the phone.
14. Between me and my husband, we have owned 7 Hondas. They rock.
15. I have had bad hips since high school sports.
16. I was a cheerleader from 7th -12th grade.
17. Our cheerleading squad qualified for nationals but couldn't raise enough money to go.
18. I'm an "Army Brat" and an "Officers Wife".
19. I'm PROUD to be an American!
20. I'm not a morning person.
21. I don't like normal coffee, but I'm addicted to lattes.
22. I hated anything coffee related until I was 22 and on a trip to Seattle my friend MADE me try it... I owe her my life.
23. I love to volunteer.
24. I would SELL MY SOUL to meet Dave Matthew.
25. Dave Matthews is my "freebie".... my husbands "freebie" is Jessica Alba. (Is that totally twisted of us or what?)
26. I have a Bachelors in Nursing degree from George Mason University.
27. I have delivered three babies on my own.
28. I have helped deliver many many more.
29. One of my patients named her baby after me. It was a boy baby though. She loved the name and hadn't thought of it until she met me.
30. I was named after "Ryan O'Neal". My mom was crushing on him when I was born.
31. I grew up believing I was named after an "English fairly tale princess".
32. My dad told me the truth.
33. I don't carry a purse... only a wallet, my keys, and my cell.
34. I want to move to Australia. We might move to Alice Springs in two years.
35. When my neighbors find a stray or hurt animal, they bring them to me.
36. One day in the future, I would love to open a shelter for animals.
37. I don't like yellow gold.
38. I make GREAT Bul-go-gi (Korean beef).
39. But I don't like to cook.
40. I participated in the Marine Corps Marathon once.
41. I worked in the medical tent there.
42. I hate running.
43. I love to drive with the windows down and music blaring on nice days.
44. I drank beer with the band "Offspring" back stage at one of their concerts once.
45. I thought I was so cool.
46. I have one sister who is 8.5 years older than me.
47. She is a breast cancer survivor and we talk on the phone about 5 times a day.
48. My nicknames when I was little were "Ba", "Roonie", and "Schkroon".
49. I was teased in school and called "Toothpick Legs".
50. As a child I use to think I would go down the drain after a bath.
51. I screamed like mad when my mom let the water out.
52. I weighed 56 pounds in 4th grade.
53. I have an English Bulldog and a Whippet/Terrier Mix.
54. My bull dog is a disgusting obnoxious mess of a dog who destroys furniture, windowsills and toys.
55. I love her anyway.
56. I have a "lead foot" when I drive.
57. The sun and my skin are enemies.
58. I donated 10" of my hair last year to Locks of Love .
59. I'm a perfectionist.
60. I am horrible at math.
61. My father is a mathematician.
62. I LOVE Disney World and constantly think about my next "Disney" vacation.
63. My husband proposed to me in Disney World.
64. We also had a Disney World/ Disney Cruise honeymoon.
65. If I could travel anywhere in the world, I would LOVE to go to Africa.
66. I'm 1/4 Dutch... the rest is mutt.
67. I've killed one animal with my car... a possum... and I cried as if I'd been shot.
68. My favorite show is Grey's Anatomy.
69. I love photography.
70. I don't really "collect" anything... it creates too much clutter.
71. I'm a neat freak and I like my house sparkling clean.
72. My closet, however, is a wreck.
73. I was married at The Cloisters Castle. (Just found out that Will and Jada Smith were too!)
74. There were flower petals falling from the sky during the ceremony.
75. It was the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen.
76. I married my best friend.
77. I got pregnant 2 weeks later.
78. I can't touch cotton balls. It's like nails on a chalk board to me.
79. I don't eat seafood.
80. I was hyperactive as a child and was on Ritalin.
81. Swings make me nauseous.
82. There isn't a roller coaster ride that I won't go on.
83. I want to live to 100, but only if I can take care of my own hygiene.
84. Haribo Gummy Bears are my favorite candy.
85. I've always wanted a pet monkey.
86. When I was little I was obsessed with Hailey Mills.
87. I almost failed out of college my freshman year.
88. By my Junior year I was making the Deans List.
89. It drives me crazy when I run out of conditioner before shampoo.
90. I NEVER run out of shampoo first.
91. I crave attention.
92. I enjoy reading about culture and traditions in other countries.
93. I'm 1/3 owner of a 19 foot Pro Line fishing boat.
94. My parents and my sister's family own the other 2/3.
95. I'm a great skier, and LOVE LOVE LOVE to ski!
96. When I'm getting shots or an IV, I have to watch the needle enter my skin.
97. Christmas and Halloween are my two favorite Holidays.
98. My favorite book is "The Red Tent".
99. I have three incredible children.
100. We're considering a fourth.
101. I have been blessed beyond measure.

Why Mothers of 3 Shouldn't Party!

I was invited over to my friends house last night to look at wedding pictures (this is the friend who's wedding I was in last month). Obviously I'm so hard up for adult interaction that I will do just about anything to get it. So, the plan was, that after Elaine's gymnastics class ended at 5:30pm I would load up the kids into the mini-van, spend 40 minutes driving home, arrive home at about 6:15, and quickly feed and bathe the kids. I worked it out with my neighbor to arrive at my house at 7pm (Ben was, of course, at Tae-Kwon-Do and wouldn't arrive home until 8pm), and then I was going to arrive slightly late at my friends house. Here's the reality of the evening:

5:30 Gymnastics ends.

5:31-5:40 Elaine has to go potty... after singing pre-school songs on the toilet for 5 minutes she decides she didn't have to go in the first place. Spend next 5 minutes getting leotard and clothes back on while Micah plays in the trash can.

5:40-5:42 Wash Elaine AND Micah's hands.

5:43-5:50 Make our way through the mass of hyper children and get buckled into the van.

5:51 Look at clock and realize my dreams of getting the kids fed a wholesome meal at home are now out the window.

5:52-6:02 Stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken and get dinner, but can't hear the worker there because the kids are louder than howler monkeys.

6:03-6:38 Sit on 29 stopped in traffic behind a broken down truck while Elaine and Micah are both crying for the (extremely non-healthy) dinner that I REFUSE to let them get all over my car.

6:30-6:42 Get home, unload kids, throw food on table, let the dogs out since they've been crossing their legs all afternoon, and INHALE my dinner.

6:43-6:49 Rush around the house and straighten up so neighbor doesn't think I'm a complete slob. Brush teeth (without toothpaste...ummm... where's the toothpaste?), "fix" hair (a.k.a. a pony-tail), rush down-stairs to lock up dogs before door-bell rings.

6:50 Ding dong! Dogs go ape-shit because they didn't get locked up in time.

6:51 Lock up dogs.

6:52-7:10 Explain to poor poor neighbor, while wiping chicken and appropriate side dishes off the floor (thanks Micah), that kids didn't get baths... kids REALLY need baths. Write cell number down, (although I would rather throw cell out the the car door than to be interrupted on much desired night out), and run out the door without looking back.

7:11-7:38 Drive to friends house with music blasting in car... sing along, especially cuss words, EXTRA loud.

7:39 Arrive at friends house only to be humped by her chocolate lab "Hunter" and his red hot poker. Let the fun begin.

We had so much fun at my friends house. In fact, we had a little too much fun. Four glasses of wine later I could hardly talk right. Thinking it wise to sober up prior to heading home, we all hop into the hot tub... for 2 hours. Apparently, in my drunken stupor, I forgot that aside from being dehydrated from the wine, sitting in a hot tub for 2 hours might not help my re-hydrating efforts.

Finally, at 1am I head home.

I drop into bed and sleep for 15 minutes before I'm woken by Elaine because she has to go potty. So much for a few hours of peaceful sleep. I help her go potty, and go back to bed, fall back to sleep, and what-do-you-know... there she is again. "Mommy, my tummy hurts". This time I make Ben get up. And the next time too. So I lay there thinking: Why. Can't. I. Just. Sleep. Then I hear him say, "What did you eat for dinner Elaine??"

Sigh.

My Rockin' Baby

When we first met Arie in Korea, he would rock back-n-forth in his foster mother's arms. He was always in the best mood when he did this, and she told us that "rocking" means he is "happy". The next two times we saw him, he would do the same thing... but only in her arms.

Well, we brought him home and waited for him to rock and he never did. Ben was dissapointed and took it as a sign that Arie wasn't "happy" yet. We even mentioned it to our social worker. The weeks passed and we forgot about it. Instead, we were thrilled with the smiles, cooing, and laughs that he gave us.

Today I was holding Arie while we were walking around in Target. He was in an exceptionally great mood and "talking" through his big drooly grins. After a few minutes of holding him he started rocking back and forth in my arms... At first I was just laughing because I had forgotten that he use to do it in Korea, and I just thought he was being a nut. But after he slammed the back of his head into my shoulder a few more times a memory poped into my head of his foster mother rubbing her shoulder after he had done the same thing to her. My eyes filled with tears as I exclaimed to my husband... "HE'S ROCKING!!!" Ben got choked up too. I'm even crying as I sit here and type this. It was such a special moment for us. I rushed home and wrote all about it on his milestone calander. What a wonderful thing to see that he is begining to feel comfortable, as am I. This past week we have made leaps and bounds togethor. I think I worked through a lot of my feelings last weekend during my "break down" and have finally started to really bond with him. Something clicked between us, and today I saw evidence of that. I'm so blessed.

Breast Feeding

Cover of Baby Talk Magazine
As a Labor and Delivery nurse and a mother, I am a big supporter of breast feeding. I nursed Elaine and Micah until they weened themselves (10 and 12 months respectively). I would have nursed them longer, but the world around them became more interesting then starring at mommy's face. One of the hardest things about adopting a 4 month old (in my opinion) is that nursing wasn't an option. I am totally in support of adoptive breastfeeding, but it's rare for breastfeeding to work when your baby is already a few months old. Oh well.

Anyway, as a breastfeeding advocate, I was appalled at how many negative reactions there were toward the above photo on the cover of Baby Talk magazine. Apparently this happened a few months ago, but I've been kinda busy and missed it. My husband recently heard about it on a radio show, and mentioned it to me. After searching for the photo today I finally found it on this blog. I expected to see full on boobage. But what's this? The side of a boob? No nipple, no areola, nothin'! What's the big deal? Please tell me why, months after the "explicit" (rolling eyes) issue was published, are people still talking about it on radio shows? WHAT IS SO FREAKING WRONG WITH BREASTFEEDING? I swear, Americans can be ridiculous about some things. Yes, they (breasts) have been sexualized. I'm not naive. But aside from their sexual role, they actually were designed to serve a purpose... to FEED BABIES!!!!! Get over it and grow up breastfeeding-opponents. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU IT'S ABOUT OUR CHILDREN!

Oh, I also cam across this site with a blog-roll of mothers from "around the net" who are PROUD to show photos of how they feed their babies... the NATURAL way.

EDITED TO ADD: Here is the link to the "Baby Talk" article on breastfeeding. The article is called "Why Women Dont Nurse Longer". It talks about the negative attitudes of the public, and also gives a list of breastfeeding laws for each state.

Picnic Day

The past couple days have been BEAUTIFUL in my neck of the woods! So yesterday me and a neighbor took our 6 kids to the park for a picnic. I tried like hell to get a picture of my 3 kids together... something that is nearly impossible to do. By the time you get two of the three sitting down, the third one is in tears. And if your lucky enough to get them ALL to sit down (at one time), it always seems to happen that the camera battery is dead. Go figure.

Anyway, I managed to snap the picture above of the three of them. It's the best I could do. I'm not complaining. Micah is at the impossible 18 month stage where he thinks cameras are evil torturing devices. We still, however, plan on attempting our family picture sometime in the next month. I'd rather gauge my eye-balls out with a dull knife, but as you know the Holidays are approaching and we need to send out our cards. Sigh. I think that the photographers who work at the photo studios are really angels in disguise. That would top my list as one of the worst jobs out there. Can you imagine spending ALL DAY trying to get the "perfect shot" of someone else's children? I have a hard enough time spending 5 minutes trying to get a good shot. I can't even begin to imagine doing it day in and day out. I'd be a raving lunatic if I had to do that. Kuddos to all you studio photographers out there. For the sake of the children, better you than me!

I'll be sure to let you know how our little photo session goes. I get heart palpitations just thinking about it.

The truth.

I haven't really written much on here recently. I'm so OVERWHELMED a lot of the time... UGH! But there are a few important things that I wanted to touch base on.

First off, Arie is wonderful. We are becoming closer and closer each day. Recently, however, I have admitted to myself that the mommy/love feelings I have toward him aren't the same as they were to Elaine and Micah. It's a hard thing to admit, but it's true. I have been struggling with this for a couple weeks now, and beating myself up over it. He has been home two months (almost)... how long does it take? I have learned that after adopting a baby, it's very easy to "pretend" to people that everything is perfect. We've waited SO LONG for this little life to enter our home, complained, whined, and worried. And now that he's here, everything should be wonderful, right? I think that I expected it to be wonderful. But worse than that, I wanted everyone else to think it's wonderful. So I put on a smile when I was out, and then I would come home and be miserable.

Last Thursday Ben left for 4 days. It was so hard doing everything by myself, and on Sunday I finally lost it. I laid down on the floor and let all of the emotion come out... I sobbed. Arie was in the other room crying (as he does when not being held), Micah was napping, and Elaine was sitting in front of the t.v. Something she has been doing way too much of recently. Anyway, as I was crying I was thinking to myself... maybe adoption isn't such a good thing. There are MANY people against adoption... adoptee's, first-mom's, and even some adoptive parents. The argument is that everything should be done to keep the baby with his biological family. I agree with this up to a point, but there is a limit, in my mind, of what is an acceptable environment for a child to grow up in. So I'm not entirely for that argument, but I understand it. Anyway, one of the points in favor of the argument is that a baby NEEDS his biological mother because he will never bond with an adoptive mother the same way, and the adoptive mother can't possible ever really love the adopted child as she would love her own offspring (according to the anti-adoption supporters). Well, I've never believed that. Ever. But I have to tell you, the other day when I was on the floor I thought to myself that maybe... just maybe... they were right. Maybe I won't ever love him the same. Maybe he will never love me like he would have loved his first-mom. I can't stop thinking about his first-mom. And I really was feeling so much guilt over his adoption. Part of me feels like I took him away from her. I KNOW I took him away from Korea, which is so terribly sad in itself. Will he resent me for it? Will he respect me for it? Will he be happy that he grew up in a stable environment or will he wish that he had just stayed in Korea... regardless of the conditions in his family and around him? Will his first-mom ever try to find him? Will he ever try to find her? I honestly WANT him to find her one day. I fear that she will be "un-findable", or that he won't have an interest. I feel guilty that I can't send her pictures or updates or (when he's old enough) art work and Mother's Day gifts. My heart is broken for her. And somehow, I feel it's my fault. Did she really relinquish him for adoption on her own terms or was she pressured by family and her culture?

So there I lay. All of this is going through my head. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. I read so many blogs and forums of Korean adoptees that feel like they were either discarded by Korea or feel they were an "item" that was simply bought by rich white parents. Will Arie feel like that? What can I do to prevent that? Is it possible to prevent that? So I continue to read. I think that's all I can do.

After my "breakdown", I started opening up to my friends and family. Some of the other adoptive mothers I've talked to have told me I'm expecting too much of myself. That bonding with an adopted child (or even a biological child) can take months sometimes. So I've listened to them and decided to lighten up a little and quit putting on this "show" of happiness... for others and for myself. After letting all of the feelings out on Sunday, I've felt so much better. The guilt I've been feeling has subsided some, and I've accepted the fact that it will take time to attach to Arie the way I did with Elaine and Micah. When you're pregnant with a child, you feel them grow, kick and live inside of you. Then they are born and your body produces hormomes to help you bond, nursing a baby is also set up to help you bond. When you adopt a baby, none of those things happen. On top of that, Arie is a difficult baby. He doesn't sleep well, he doesn't eat well, and he is fussy. Elaine and Micah were A CAKE WALK in comparison. I know now that our relationship will strengthen... but it will take time. I also know, now, that I need to just step away from those guilty feelings, and quit worrying so much about Arie's feelings 18 years from now. I need to keep telling myself that right now, in this moment, he is only a baby who needs nurturing... he is not a teenager trying to find his place in the world. I know that will come one day, so I'm going to enjoy the here and now before it passes me by.

Adoption has many different sides... some good some bad, and some horrible. There is coercion, pressure, lying, greed, anger, hate, and envy all rolled into adoption. I don't want to pretend that ever adoption story is wonderful... or a win-win situation. That's not always the case. If you read my blog, then you have an interest in adoption and I want you to see all sides of it. I don't personally believe that Arie's first-mom was coerced or forced to relinquish him, but it does happen, and although many first-mom's DO chose to relinquish their babies, they don't just forget about them and move on. They hurt for their entire life and always feel an emptiness... that is one thing I have learned from all of my reading, and easing that pain is one thing I hope Arie chooses to do for his first-mom in the future.

Here is a list of blogs written by adoptee's and first-mom's. They are packed with true honest feelings about how adoption has changed their lives. They also give me a glimpse into what Arie's first-mom may be feeling and what Arie may feel as an adult.

Twice The Rice (Korean Asdoptee)
Harlow's Monkey (Korean Adoptee)
This Should Go Somewhere (Korean Adoptee)
Ethnically Incorrect Daughter (Transracial Adoptee)
Jane Ellen (Adoptee)

Reunion Writings (First-Mom)
Writing My Wrongs (First Mom)
Birth Mother of Adopted (First Mom)
Screams in the Dark (First Mom)

GO VOTE!!!

I don't care how you vote, who you vote for, what your beliefs are, etc. I just care that you all vote for what you believe in. If I can get out there, in the rain, with my 3 kids, then so can you!!! You will make a difference! So please,
GO VOTE!!!

10,000

Want to know what that number up above means? That's how many visits I've had to my blog! Geez... I wonder how high the number would be if I actually had something important and awe inspiring to say. One can only imagine :)~

Pictures

Here are a few recent random pictures. Micah built that whole tower by himself and he was proud as a peacock! Too bad the pic is kind of blurry. Bummer.

Quick Update

Me and the boys at the Pumpkin Patch
Arie had his 6 month well baby check on Halloween. He is still only 13 pounds... so he's in the 0% for weight... ugh. He is in the 40% for height though. He received 3 immunizations, and to top that off they tried 3 times to draw blood from him for his "adoption panel". No luck. That was the second complete attempt at blood work. The boy has no veins. They are now trying to decide if they want to draw from a scalp vein (ouch!) or wait until his upcoming (minor) surgery and coordinate it with that. I'm still waiting to hear.

In regard to his weight, he is a "work in progress" as his doctor called him. He refuses to eat ANYTHING in the food department. He will on only drink a bottle. I'm worried, but his very laid back doctor isn't. He use to be in the 5% for weight, and now he's not even on the chart... so I'm worried. To top it off, my brother-in-law's new baby was born weighing 10 lbs!!! I know that the new baby will be WAY bigger than Arie at Thanksgiving, so all I'm going to hear is "Wow, Arie is sooooo tiny!" Well...Duh.

I just wish he would start gaining weight. He is 6 months old now and still in a size 2 diaper and 3-6 month clothes. Here's a little perspective... Micah weighed just under 20 lbs at 6 months old. What a difference.

He's still on target developmentally, so that's great. He's just a peanut!