Why Mothers of 3 Shouldn't Party!

I was invited over to my friends house last night to look at wedding pictures (this is the friend who's wedding I was in last month). Obviously I'm so hard up for adult interaction that I will do just about anything to get it. So, the plan was, that after Elaine's gymnastics class ended at 5:30pm I would load up the kids into the mini-van, spend 40 minutes driving home, arrive home at about 6:15, and quickly feed and bathe the kids. I worked it out with my neighbor to arrive at my house at 7pm (Ben was, of course, at Tae-Kwon-Do and wouldn't arrive home until 8pm), and then I was going to arrive slightly late at my friends house. Here's the reality of the evening:

5:30 Gymnastics ends.

5:31-5:40 Elaine has to go potty... after singing pre-school songs on the toilet for 5 minutes she decides she didn't have to go in the first place. Spend next 5 minutes getting leotard and clothes back on while Micah plays in the trash can.

5:40-5:42 Wash Elaine AND Micah's hands.

5:43-5:50 Make our way through the mass of hyper children and get buckled into the van.

5:51 Look at clock and realize my dreams of getting the kids fed a wholesome meal at home are now out the window.

5:52-6:02 Stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken and get dinner, but can't hear the worker there because the kids are louder than howler monkeys.

6:03-6:38 Sit on 29 stopped in traffic behind a broken down truck while Elaine and Micah are both crying for the (extremely non-healthy) dinner that I REFUSE to let them get all over my car.

6:30-6:42 Get home, unload kids, throw food on table, let the dogs out since they've been crossing their legs all afternoon, and INHALE my dinner.

6:43-6:49 Rush around the house and straighten up so neighbor doesn't think I'm a complete slob. Brush teeth (without toothpaste...ummm... where's the toothpaste?), "fix" hair (a.k.a. a pony-tail), rush down-stairs to lock up dogs before door-bell rings.

6:50 Ding dong! Dogs go ape-shit because they didn't get locked up in time.

6:51 Lock up dogs.

6:52-7:10 Explain to poor poor neighbor, while wiping chicken and appropriate side dishes off the floor (thanks Micah), that kids didn't get baths... kids REALLY need baths. Write cell number down, (although I would rather throw cell out the the car door than to be interrupted on much desired night out), and run out the door without looking back.

7:11-7:38 Drive to friends house with music blasting in car... sing along, especially cuss words, EXTRA loud.

7:39 Arrive at friends house only to be humped by her chocolate lab "Hunter" and his red hot poker. Let the fun begin.

We had so much fun at my friends house. In fact, we had a little too much fun. Four glasses of wine later I could hardly talk right. Thinking it wise to sober up prior to heading home, we all hop into the hot tub... for 2 hours. Apparently, in my drunken stupor, I forgot that aside from being dehydrated from the wine, sitting in a hot tub for 2 hours might not help my re-hydrating efforts.

Finally, at 1am I head home.

I drop into bed and sleep for 15 minutes before I'm woken by Elaine because she has to go potty. So much for a few hours of peaceful sleep. I help her go potty, and go back to bed, fall back to sleep, and what-do-you-know... there she is again. "Mommy, my tummy hurts". This time I make Ben get up. And the next time too. So I lay there thinking: Why. Can't. I. Just. Sleep. Then I hear him say, "What did you eat for dinner Elaine??"

Sigh.