What are they thinking?
We took Arie to the mall on Sunday. Aside from my daughters soccer game on Saturday, this was the first time he had been to a really crowded and loud place. He did well. We walked around a lot, ate dinner, nothing big. We ran into a relative of mine (who hadn't met Arie yet) and I let the relative try to hold him. Well, he just about lost it. That was the second time over the weekend that someone else tried to hold him... and he had a breakdown both times. Lesson learned.. DON'T let anyone else hold Arie! The good news is that Arie was looking back at me when they tried to hold him (prior to the breakdown), and once I got him back in my arms he maintained great eye contact. Even if I pulled him against my chest, he would throw his head back to keep his eyes locked with mine.
While walking through the mall though, we got a lot of "looks". Of course I don't' know if they were "looks" or just people glancing in our general direction. I have to say, every time we walked by someone I thought to myself "what are they thinking?" Do they wonder if he's our child? Do they think we're babysitting? Do they think I had an affair and Arie is my illegitimate Asian child? (Ok, I know that's probably not the most common thought, but I still wonder). At one point, when Ben was with our other children, I was alone with Arie in the "play place" at the mall. There was a man who was watching me so intently (and was being so obvious about it) that I wondered if he though I kidnapped Arie from someone else. I know that sounds ridiculous, but he was blatently staring at me and watching my every move. He was probably looking at my necklace or something stupid like that. I don't know. Aside from that creepy guy, it doesn't bother me that we get so many looks and stares when we're in public. It just makes me wonder what the on-looker is thinking to themselves.
I'm sure at some point I will "forget" that Arie is Korean. What I mean by that is I hope it wont always be a conscious thought when we're in public like it is now. (Obviously I will never forget he is Korean, nor do I want to!) It will be nice when the day comes when I think to myself "Gee, I wonder what that person is staring at?" instead of "Gee, I wonder what that person is thinking about our Korean son?"
While walking through the mall though, we got a lot of "looks". Of course I don't' know if they were "looks" or just people glancing in our general direction. I have to say, every time we walked by someone I thought to myself "what are they thinking?" Do they wonder if he's our child? Do they think we're babysitting? Do they think I had an affair and Arie is my illegitimate Asian child? (Ok, I know that's probably not the most common thought, but I still wonder). At one point, when Ben was with our other children, I was alone with Arie in the "play place" at the mall. There was a man who was watching me so intently (and was being so obvious about it) that I wondered if he though I kidnapped Arie from someone else. I know that sounds ridiculous, but he was blatently staring at me and watching my every move. He was probably looking at my necklace or something stupid like that. I don't know. Aside from that creepy guy, it doesn't bother me that we get so many looks and stares when we're in public. It just makes me wonder what the on-looker is thinking to themselves.
I'm sure at some point I will "forget" that Arie is Korean. What I mean by that is I hope it wont always be a conscious thought when we're in public like it is now. (Obviously I will never forget he is Korean, nor do I want to!) It will be nice when the day comes when I think to myself "Gee, I wonder what that person is staring at?" instead of "Gee, I wonder what that person is thinking about our Korean son?"
posted by Ryan | 10/02/2006 08:52:00 PM
5 Comments:
I understand. We brought two sons home from Ethiopia and have 3 bio children. I am always wondering what people are thinking behind their looks. And you do forget their skin color. We have been home almost 3 months and it disappeared last month. :)
I TOTALLY understand!!!! I often forget that my kids are Korean... they're just "our kids." That may sound bad to the outside world but that's really how it is... you don't see their "Korean looks" you just see your child. I even forget that they're not biologically related to us. Pretty soon you'll get REAL GOOD and deciphering the looks you get.
Ryan,
This will be something that you will always have to deal with and no matter how long they are home people are going to stare.
I always think to myself ( and have been known to say it outloud ) yes, I know my children are gorgeous thanks for noticing :)
When I look at my boys I see my babies and nothing else.. They are just mine and at some point you will see the same thing.. Just your son :)
My boys being Korean is what makes them that much more beautiful to us and I often think people stare cause they can't help themselves!! :)
"I always think to myself ( and have been known to say it outloud ) yes, I know my children are gorgeous thanks for noticing :)"
I like that quote! I might have to steal it!!! Thanks for the support everyone. There are advantages to sharing my thoughts online... I find people who can realte to what I'm feeling and thinking!
Ryan
I've never forgotten that our kids are Korean, but when I'm just living my life out there, not focusing on adoption, I forget that our family is made up of Koreans, a German, and a Balkan. We're just a family, and it feels great.
I think, too, your community does begin to remember you and the looks subside. At least it did for us, and now this is simply not an issue anymore - perhaps other than when we travel to places where the population is less diverse. Here in DC no one bats an eye.
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